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| I AM A MOMMY!!! Everyone, please help me welcome Colin Russell Hurlbert! He was born May 22nd at 4:17am. Weighed 7lb, 3oz and 20 1/2 inches long. And has the most georgeous golden head of hair! Enjoy a few of the many pictures I have of him below... 
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| Okay, prayer time.... Today, my parents and I went and talked to a lawyer about terminating the parental rights of the father of my baby. The conversation went smoothly with the lawyer and I left feeling good about the whole situation. My lawyer told me that it would be best if I called Jason, the father, and let him know I have started the process already. I have been wanting to call him for a couple months now, but everytime I pick up my phone, I immediately hang up as it has been harder for me to talk to him the closer it gets to my due date. So tonight, I finally pushed my nerves aside and called him. At first, we just updated each other on work over the past few months. And then I told him that I talked with a lawyer today and that I needed to know if he still wanted to forfeit his parental rights. I thought this would be an easy question and knew what his answer would be. What he said isn't what I thought it would be. He said he didn't know what he wanted to do anymore. He said this whole thing is still really new to him because he hasn't had to deal with it. I can understand what he means by that. He hasn't been around or been a part of this like I have everyday. And we haven't talked that much in the past nine months, so he didn't deal with it. This baby is a part of me, its still growing inside of me. In fact, as I type this, he is pushing and kicking me. But Jason hasn't experienced or felt what I've felt in the past nine months. I have dealt with it, accepted it, and embraced it. So tomorrow, we are going to meet and talk. I want him to get his feelings out about all of this. I don't know what he's going to say. I mean, how can you say everything you've been feeling for the past nine months in just one day? Now, I know that he made the decision to not be involved and I feel like I've supported that decision by not forcing him to be a part of this, no matter how hard it was to go through it alone. I just don't know what to do if he says he wants to be a part of this, if he's willing to be a father. This is where prayers are needed. What the prayers are for, I'm not even exactly sure. Part of me wants prayers that he doesn't contest and will just sign over his rights, but then part of me hopes that he will tell me he wants to be a father and exceeds my expectations. You know, its funny...just when I thought everything was going smoothly, something new pops up and I have to re-evaluate all my feelings.  Love to you all
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| I'm playing the waiting game now...I just sit and wait. What for, I'm not really sure. I don't know what a contraction feels like, even though I've been told in Lamaze class what to look for, it's different for everyone. It could be a little pain (which I have been feeling off and on) or it could be one really big pain or my water could break at any moment and then the real fun begins. And this could happen at any moment! Just like that! I think thats the scariest thing. Not knowing what to expect or when to expect it. In the meantime, I'm attempting to keep my mind off of the impending pain by decorating the nursery. Right now its a big mess, but it really is going to look great once its all done. I'll post pictures when it's completed so everyone can see how cute it is! I'm also trying to get other things in order, but I'm not exactly sure what "other things" there are. I'm just kinda going with the flow right now and when something comes up that needs to be done, then I'll get it done. Can you believe, that anyday now, I could give birth to a beautiful baby boy?!?! And I know he's going to be beautiful because this is the greatest gift I will ever get from God. I am so excited about this new adventure that is about to start...but also a little scared!  Please keep us in your prayers over these next couple of weeks. Love to you all! | | |
| I'm tired. Physically, Mentally, but not emotionally. At least, not yet. I have a feeling this next month is going to be the most emotional of my entire life. I'm trying to keep my spirits up and tell myself that I can keep this up for one more month, but I don't know if I can. I guess I'm just really discouraged today. Everyone keeps telling me that I need to take time for myself right now, but how can I? Or WHEN can I? I work everyday. I mean EVERYday. I don't get a day off to reboot or refocus like other people. Whenever I am home, all I can think about is how my next shift is going to go. I always have work on my mind and I hate that. I was never one who lived to work, but lately I've been feeling like thats exactly what I'm doing. One more month and then I'll have two months to rethink and refocus. Six more weeks and then I'll have a reason for refocusing. In six more weeks, I'll have a son. A defenseless new human will be on this earth and he'll be depending on me for everything. I'm ready for that responsibility. I know I was born to bear that responsibility. I do worry, just like any normal person. But I don't let that worry ruin my excitement. I let God handle the worries I have so I can focus on the reason why I work everyday. So I can focus on my son's well-being. One more month... Love to you all | | |
| So yeah, I finally have time to write here...it's only been, ya know, like almost 2 months, since I last wrote on here. A lot has happened so far. ALOT, ALOT! I heard the heartbeat a few weeks ago. That was a WOW for me. Next week, I'll find out what I'm having. I'm very excited about that! This whole experience has been just that, an experience, and everyday I'm learning something new, about myself, my body, my thinking, my spirituality...everything. I am getting excited about what else I have to learn. What the next day will bring, and the one after that. All of this is very hard to explain. Its just one of those things you'll have to experience for yourselves, if God grants that to you. One thing I have to admit is how lonely I feel during this. I don't regret not making him be involved. One thing I am certain of is he shouldn't be involved. However, I never thought that anyone should go through this by themselves. I believe I can do this by myself, I think I can. But I just can't help feeling like all of this would be much easier if I had him here with me.  Well, there is more I'd like to write about. However, I have to start getting ready for work. I'm hoping I'll make more time to write on here more often....We'll see.  Love to you all!
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